CailaKSpeaks

Keep Your Own Counsel

2011-12-15T12:53:00.000-05:00

Happened across this How I Made It online video featuring Bevy Smith. I'm guilty of this line of thinking, and I'm ready to stop.

"Keep your own counsel. So many of us, and I was like this too when I was younger, you know, you don't feel confident in yourself, so you're like: 'Oh, I need to find a mentor. I need to ask ten people their opinion about something that I want to do.' Why would you do that? They don't know you. You know you. You know what you really want. So that's what you should go for." - Bevy Smith

Center of Passion

2011-12-14T11:49:00.000-05:00

Today's dose of inspiration/creative energy courtesy of former Penn classmate and filmmaker, Taylor Hamilton:

Center of Passion from Taylor Hamilton on Vimeo.

All I Want For Christmas is...

2011-12-13T15:44:00.000-05:00

A trip to see Alvin Ailey. I haven’t been in a few years and my soul/spirit is crying out for the inspiration Revelations always gives me.
That deep tissue or hot stone massage I’ve had on the to-do list forever. (Still have never had a professional massage.)
A personal chef, preferably one well versed in Chinese and Thai cuisine. (OK, I’m just greedy.)
A surprise getaway. As many of my friends prep to jetset next week, I’m itching to take a trip. I say it all the time, but Calgon please take me away!

Ok, back to daydreaming I go….

Do What You Love, Love What You Do

2011-12-12T17:59:00.000-05:00

You ever have one of those moments when you're so captivated by something that you stop everything you're doing and watch it intently? That's exactly what happened to me last night. After getting off the phone with every intention of sticking to an early bedtime, I flipped on the TV to just keep me company while I twisted my hair. Of course my TV would be on Bravo, and of course it would be showing the end of Real Housewives of Atlanta, so you already know what happened next. I told myself, "OK, just the last 15 minutes of this and then bed." But after Kim's cute little baby was born and the preview for next week's round of of ratchedness trailed off, up popped the opening for the next show-Chef Roblé & Co. Ugh, here goes Bravo with another chef show, I thought, and reached for the remote to turn off the TV. But then Roblé Ali appeared on the screen.

Wait...who was this guy? Was he black? And why did he look younger than me? Change of plans, I decided--let me check out the beginning of this show and just get the gist. 40 minutes and one google search later, I learned that the mystery guy is a dope young chef who’s cooked for the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio, Diddy, and Jay-Z. After enrolling at the Culinary Institute of America and later serving as the youngest sous chef to work under the prestigious Abigail Kirsch, he was hand selected by nightlife king Mr. Noah Tepperberg to be the executive chef at hotspot Avenue.

And now with his star turn on Bravo, I'm sure everyone will be clamoring to work with him. Want to know just how fly he is? In the episode I watched, musician Matisyahu reached out to him to host a dinner party. In keeping with Matisyahu’s religious practices, the meal had to be completely kosher and vegan (oh and the cuisine had to be Thai—Matisyahu’s wife’s preference). Without having a full understanding of how to prepare a kosher meal, much less a Thai-Kosher-Vegan meal, Roble drafted a menu. He then worked with a rabbi to make sure all ingredients and preparations were kosher. Not surprisingly, the 3-course meal was a hit (I mean, I literally wanted to call up Yum Yum Bangkok as I watched.) Most notable to me though was how confident Roble was throughout the entire process. Even working under pressure with an overbearing rabbi scrutinizing his every move, he still killed it. He acknowledged the challenges, but never once doubted himself or grew discouraged. And most of all, his happiness and eagerness were contagious, even through the screen. So that's what it should look and feel like to do what you love. I'm taking notes.

You Can Have It All

2011-12-08T16:11:00.001-05:00

Someone told me recently that I like to worry. I could only laugh in response, because it's absolutely true. I love to pack my agenda with an endless to-do list, then stress out because I don't have the time to do it all. Damn you ambition! Why can't I write, read things that interest me, workout and go to dance classes, prep for my future career goals, volunteer for causes I believe in, go to dinner and cocktails with friends, spend time with loved ones, spend time reading the good book, try fly new hair styles, and spend time doing absolutely nothing all at once? Why can't I have it all?

Life, I'm learning, is all about choices. And if you work it right, you can have it all--just not all at the same time. So I have to remember to not worry about goal number 13, when goal number 2 is the current priority. Eventually, number 13 will have its day. And what about those goals that got shifted off the list because they're no longer priorities in my life? I just have to stay focused on the finish line I have in mind.

Sister, Sister

2011-12-06T15:48:00.001-05:00

Saw this photo of Solange and Beyonce on Solange's blog. The title? Simply: Big Sis. Isn't it funny, no matter how famous or successful Bey becomes, she'll simply be "big sis" to Solange. And that's how I feel about my two sisters. First of all, I'm incredibly proud of both of them, inspired by their accomplishments and motivated by their work ethic. If ever I feel like giving up on a goal, I need only glance at a picture of all of us to remember that I am among greatness. Last Saturday, as I stood up to accept an award for my oldest sis at a conference, my heart soared with pride, but most of all with gratitude for being blessed to call these two women big sis.

Chasing Inspiration

2011-12-05T12:05:00.000-05:00

Every morning, I try to make the first thing I read a devotional passage or a bible verse. Before the clutter of the day starts to pollute my mind, I try to get my mind and spirit recharged and ready for whatever challenges may come my way. Sometimes it works and sometimes…well, just check me later.

Lately, I’ve been in a weird space. I want to write, think about it every day in fact, but….I don’t. I feel like the caterpillar must feel right before it transforms into a butterfly. I know breakthrough is coming. I know exciting things are on the horizon, but frustration still consumes me on a daily basis. Mainly because there’s just not enough time to pursue all the goals I have on my list. It’s a battle to stay motivated.

For the last couple of months, my approach to this battle has been to focus wholeheartedly on one thing at a time (so I’m not that person who starts a lot of things and finishes none). But, I miss my other passions terribly while I’m in tunnel vision mode. So I’m starting over…again. I’ll do this as many times as I need to.

Here’s to finding balance, to finding a new way to go after these goals, and to staying inspired always—even if I have to chase inspiration.

I Cried on the Train Platform

2011-08-09T22:16:00.001-04:00

I can fully admit that I'm a very emotional gal. I start blubbering at sappy commercials, my eyes "leak" when I'm angry, and I fight back tears of joy whenever my friends and family tell me their triumphs. But, crying on the train platform like a lonely mad woman? No, this takes the all time cake.

Tonight, on my long train commute home, I flipped open the brand new Essence Magazine that my co-worker blessed me with earlier today for $free.99. I usually skim through magazines to look at the pictures, glance over articles and features that jump out at me, read the really compelling ones (very rare for my jaded, short-attention-span-that-I-blame-on-Twitter self), and am through with it in 10 minutes flat. But tonight was different.

I started off by admiring the new editor-in-chief Constance C.R. White's fierce fro in the letter from the editor section, and commended her note on colorism in the black community. Then I hopped over to the "In My Own Fashion" feature--a roundup of different style recollections from notables like Lola Ogunnaike and Bevy Smith. After I was through chuckling and being inspired by the stories of coming into one's own fashion skin, I devoured the cover story on Tracee Ellis Ross. Ross was everything I know and love her to be--open, endearing, honest (On her Birkin bag: "...no she didn't drop $5,000 on it, it's a proud fake.")--and more. (Love her.)

Finally, as the issue was regrettably drawing to a close, I made my way over to the Body & Spirit section. This month's theme? Still We Rise. The article, titled Faith & Hope, was about Jasmine Victoria, who lost her mother (Celeste Victoria) in the September 11th attacks. What struck me about Jasmine's story was the fact that the world as she knew it changed in an instant. As the article recounts, her mother was not supposed to be in the building that day. She went to work early to help set up a conference at Windows on the World restaurant. When Jasmine heard the news of the attacks that fateful day, she had no reason to think her mother would be in the Twin Towers that morning. But by random chance, she was there, and as Jasmine watched the replay after replay of the Towers falling, she now recalls: "Little did I know I was watching my mother die."

Can you imagine?

I couldn't get through the first page of the article without tearing. On the train. With people beside me and across from me.

I kept trying to put myself in Jasmine's shoes. To imagine losing my biggest supporter, role model, the woman who birthed me in a inexplicable act of savage violence. At 19 years old, Jasmine had to learn to be her own parent, all while grieving her mother's loss. I had to close the magazine and look up at the train ceiling. I wanted to finish, but I was afraid my tears would come flooding through the gates.

When I thought I had my composure, I re-opened the magazine and choked back tears as I finished the rest of the piece. I felt empowered by Jasmine's determination to follow her heart above all else (in the spirit of her mother). From working for Goldman Sachs for a brief 6 month stint, to running an ice cream shop in Brooklyn, to traveling to New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina and Haiti after the earthquake, she hasn't let this tragic experience stop her from exploring and living life. It's even led her to her calling. She's pursuing certification as an emergency medical technician and wants to become a first responder: "If I learned anything in life, it's that everything happens for a reason. It's His grand scheme, not ours."

With that final sentence, I lost it. I got off the train at my stop and had to sit down on the platform bench. As everyone else made a beeline for the stairs, I sat for a moment and allowed my body to heave with sobs. I can't pinpoint the exact thing that triggered this emotional reaction to a simple Essence article.

I thinks it's because I complain and worry about so many small things. You can say I've been going through my third quarter-life crisis of this decade. But this article shook me to the core and startled me to reality.

You know what self? It just isn't that bad. It just isn't. You're blessed, you have family, you have friends, you have a support system, and if there's something you don't like in your life, you can work to change it.

So as I sat on the train platform and cried, I thought of all I am, all I''m afraid of and frustrated about, and just released it into the Universe. At the end of the day, it's all going to be OK---in the Creator's perfect timing. Everything is happening for a reason.

Thank you and rest in peace, Celeste Victoria.

And The Living is Easy

2011-06-23T22:10:00.001-04:00

It's my last night here in The Big Easy and I'm reflecting on a relaxing and peaceful trip. When I first thought about taking a vacation this summer, I was daydreaming of crystal clear waters and of sinking my toes into soft, white sand. But my bank account had other ideas and so plans shifted. Luckily, I learned that you don't always have to leave the US of A to get some R&R.

When the suggestion of going to New Orleans was proposed, I kinda shrugged it off. I'd never been, and sure, it sounded interesting, but Bourbon St. doesn't exactly compare to Cabo or anything. Or so I thought.

With gratitude to just have a week off from work, I headed to NOLA with mild expectations. What I encountered was sweet southern hospitality like I've never experienced (a "Good Afternoon" by passing strangers and warm conversation with anyone I stood next to for longer than 30 seconds), savory eats that made me throw caution to the diet wind, charming midday strolls, and a tranquil street car ride that melted all traces of stress and tension from my body.

NOLA, I leave you with precious memories and a soothed soul. Thank you!

NOLA Adventures part deux

2011-06-22T18:54:00.001-04:00

NOLA Adventures

2011-06-21T16:06:00.001-04:00

I'm New Orleans bound for the week and truly enjoying the sights and sounds of this soulful city. Check out some of the flicks from my experiences so far.

Just Another Manic Monday

2011-06-13T09:10:00.002-04:00

Here we are again. I didn't think we'd bump into each other so soon. It was just Friday when I walked out, breathed a sigh of relief, and told myself to not look back. But here we stand, staring at each other face-to-face. Again. Now, after a fun-filled and relaxing weekend, you expect me to jump out of bed at an ungodly hour and greet you with a smile? Sorry, Monday, not gonna happen.

There are countless places I'd rather be right now:

The Beach

My toes start to wiggle at the mere thought of warm sun, white sand, and aqua green water. Calgon, please take me away. I'm craving a beach trip badly. If that beach happens to include fish & festival and an ice cold drink, I wouldn't be mad at you.

The Spa

My at-home steam treatments are keeping the pores at bay for now, but an all-day spa trip is calling my name.

Speaking of spas, I've never had a massage of any kind. The more I work, the more stress and tension knots pile up in my neck and back. I need someone to knead me
Iike dough and manhandle these knots!

Brunch

Summer Brunch season kicked off in May, and I've yet to take part. It's time for me to call up the girls (and guys), and get our unlimited mimosa sippage on.

Le sigh. Allow me this day to daydream, get through the tasks, and let's try this again on Tuesday.

Perfecting Praise

2011-06-12T15:57:00.002-04:00

I struggle to find balance between my faith and my fun. The conflict arises with the smallest decisions—get my groove on and party until dawn, or tucker down early and make it to church on time?—to the largest: can I date a man who is not God-fearing? If he is Christian, should we go to church together every Sunday? I'm still figuring out the answers, but this poem always gives me perspective on what it means to be a Christian: